3 THINGS NOT TO SAY AND WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY INSTEAD.
Being diagnosed with breast cancer is possibly one of the worst things which happen to anyone. And those around us, even our closest friends and family find it very hard to know what to do and what to say. This sometimes means they say the wrong thing, not because they’re deliberately trying to hurt us or be unhelpful – but because it’s so outside their own experience – often they’re looking at it from their own perspective and worrying about not being supportive.
Instead, if you have a close friend or family member who’s received a cancer diagnosis. Remember – it’s not about you – it’s about them and making sure they know you care.
1. Acknowledge that something dreadful has happened to them.
Number one thing not to say is– you’ll be fine! You don’t know that and it’s not helpful. Just acknowledge that it is hard by saying so. “That’s so awful/shit for you. I’m so sorry.”
Equally – I know you’ll get through this – you’re really strong – they might not be feeling strong and you need to support them in showing emotion if that’s what they need.
2. Empathise – Above all, let them know you care, simply by saying so; “I’m here for you , I love you and I’m thinking of you.” Think of useful things you can do, such as giving them a healthy meal so they don’t have to cook, rather than bland offers of “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”
3. Take your lead from them – everyone reacts differently to a breast cancer diagnosis – the right way for them will be how they react. If they want to talk about – listen. If they don’t want to talk about it – let them know that’s fine and that if they ever do -you’re there to listen. Sometimes we just want a dose of normality!
Under no circumstances, talk about your neighbour, cousin, other friend – who had breast cancer and is now sky diving or whatever. Or use someone else or something you’ve read to tell them they’re going to be ok.
Above all – be there and listen.
